Change

I really don't like change. Probably most people would agree that they don't like change either. This summer is bringing a lot of change for us. Jared has moved out into his own house (again). Jeremy has graduated and will be leaving us soon. Jamison will be a high schooler, how did that happen? Jay is looking and acting a lot older, and we are waiting for precious Mei Mei to come home. The composition of our family is looking and feeling a lot different too. Tears come easily for me lately. I so love how my boys have/are becoming men, but I miss terribly the little boys that wanted to live with Mommy forever. Our family is feeling like a family of four more and more often. This is the plan, my husband reminds me, to raise independent young men who can take care of themselves and contribute to society. That, I think we have accomplished at least with the older two.

Change is good too. Little Mei Mei will change everything about our world. Wow, what will it feel like to have a little girl in the house. It feels like a foreign concept right now. I both look forward to this and am terrified at times. Can I do girls? Will I remember what I liked as a little girl? How will the boys adjust to having another sibling that is a girl? This change I am willing to embrace.

This summer just feels different. The summer before Jared went to college felt different too and I know that normal will come again. I don't want to wish the summer away but I do long for normalness. It is times like this that I have to remind myself that I am not in control of how things turn out, but God is. He is big enough to handle my life. He is compassionate enough to handle my heart with care. He is able to follow my boys anywhere they go and keep them safe. All I have to do is be willing to release it all to him and trust that he knows the right path and will light the way.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. -Psalm 119:105